Growing Up

I was almost here.

It was a rainy Monday morning.

Someone asked my dad,

“Are you nervous?”

He replied,

“It’s just like having a dog, except different.”

I was six years old when I found my first love.

He lived two doors down

and dressed up as spiderman every Halloween.

We’d climb up the trees

and get tangled in the leaves.

One day he fell,

but not for me.

I was eleven years old when I exceeded expectations.

Bleachers filled with antsy kids and proud parents “All A’s…

Morganne Biddle”

I raced down the noisy steps collected my award “4H-er of the year…

Morganne Biddle”

over and over again.

“DARE student of the year…

Morganne Biddle”

“Maybe you should just stay down here for a minute?”

I was eleven years old when I experienced loss.

Bailey was my best friend since birth,

but she was suffering.

So I put on my favorite shirt,

the high school musical one, in honor of her.

We took one last picture together in the grassy yard.

My face was red and splotchy

and my arms were wrapped around her

never wanting to let go.

I was eighteen years old when I understood loss.

We walked through the sad bleak hallways

I entered his room,

but he wasn’t there,

not really.

Uncle Bobby was no longer a big teddy bear

but a shrunken version of himself

I leaned down, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered

It’s okay

You can go now

Thanks for waiting.

I was twenty years old when I did not meet expectations.

I’ve always been a good noodle.

A straight A student.

The responsible one.

So maybe that’s why it felt so good

to press “withdrawal”

and take the weight off my shoulders

for the first time ever.

I was twenty years old when I found true love.

We were sitting on an uncomfortable bench in Marietta Square.

You rested your arm on the bench around me.

I didn’t move a muscle because I didn’t want you to move your arm away.

You didn’t move a muscle because you didn’t know I felt the same way.

We left the bench with aching backs

and stomachs full of butterflies.

I am twenty-three years old.

I’ve been up since 6:30 a.m.

I left the house an hour and a half early,

even though it’s only a thirty minute drive.

I sat in the parking lot for forty minutes,

staring at my notes

trying to convince myself that I’m prepared

trying to shake my nerves.

Now I’m here, standing in front of you.

Hi, I’m Ms. Biddle.

(I had to add this picture so the link didn't show a picture of my ground turkey green bean extravaganza when I shared it)